Can I live the dream?

I’ve started getting even more ingrained in the webcomics scene, and it is becoming increasingly apparent that I am simply not realizing my goals. I’ve moved beyond mainstream and am beginning to browse indie webcomics (if such a title even makes sense, as all webcomics are technically independent), and it has reminded me why I started a site in the first place. I had hoped to do with writing what webcomic artists do with their art. They produce, post, and give it away all for free. Someday, they compile it in a book and hope that their loyal following will purchase that book, allowing them to make more webcomics. For the gents at Penny-Arcade and Scary Go Round (to name very few of the bigwigs), they’ve done it and make a living off their work. That wasn’t (and still isn’t, in my opinion) their motivation, but it happened. For them, it was the work. The independence.

I wanted to write and post it for free. To gain a following and someday publish. I wanted to do with words what asofterworld does with photography or what xkcd does with drawing. But I haven’t.

Part of this is my own lack of focus. I wrote theological stuff for a while, but my passion burnt out on that. I wanted to produce poetry, but then I got happy and stopped producing. I could probably return to that now, or I could focus on fiction… but fiction seems unlikely. At any rate, I had a goal, and I’m not reaching it. I’m not doing what I set out to do.

The second issue is that I’m not sure there’s a market for it. Not that the goal was necessarily to hit a market and become an independent writer that makes lots of money… not really. But part of me wondered if it was possible; that’s what I wanted to find out. Would there be as much of a following for a blog writer, especially a poet, as there is for art and webcomics? I guarantee I could do it if I just blogged. Picked a topic and ran with it; technology, or religion, or something. People will read it if it’s good, and I could do better work than I do. But would it work? Would people come here for poetry if a new one was posted three times a week or every day?

Is the “second issue” just a way for me to make an excuse and avoid trying for fear of failure? …yeah, probably.

Does anyone even care about poetry anymore? I don’t know man… I don’t know… Should it matter? No, not really.

When I think about what my goal was, and what I’m doing instead… I feel the same as I did my sophomore year, sitting in symphony rehearsal. “What am I doing? I could be writing right now.”

But the only thing I can come up with right now is, “Once this semester is over… once the summer comes, I can start writing again.” I’m going to sign up as a reviewer with LibraryThing. I’m going to start reading and writing more. I’d like to take guitar lessons once a week and exercise more regularly. Just as soon as this semester’s over… just as soon as college ministry and class are done (freeing up about 20 hours a week, total).

Still a total cop out.

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