Turns out I’m not screwed

Here’s what I thought my schedule for today was:

6:30 a.m. : Wake up, shower, shave, eat breakfast, dress, go to work.
8:00 a.m. – 5 p.m. : Work, with an obligatory 1 hour lunch break in there around noon.
5:30 p.m. – 6:30 p.m. : New telecourse starting, so I need to attend the first session.
7:00 p.m. – 8:00 p.m. : Student Ministries Committee meeting at the church.
8:00 p.m. – 9:30 (or 10) p.m. : Small group meeting at the church.
10:00 p.m. : .oO(crash)

However, it just so turns out that my second block telecourse starts tomorrow rather than today, so I can actually eat dinner before going to the church. What I really want to do is sit down somewhere and read/write for a while, but that’ll have to wait, potentially until this (freaking) summer.

At a party last night, I was having a conversation with Shawn about what it’s like being married, having someone around all the time, etc. I imagine there are times when I have been less eloquent, but none are coming to mind right now. I think I used the phrase, “But we’re doing good,” at least a dozen times, though whether from being brain dead or insecure, I don’t know.

(Last night’s dream was brought to us by watching too many episodes of Gilmore Girls with April and had me fearing she was going to run off with some Korean dude that she wasn’t even dating just so Lane’s mom wouldn’t know that Lane had a boyfriend. I can read philosophy and theology for hours and be fine, but put a couple episodes of Gilmore Girls in my brain and I go crazy. This is only relevant because it ties into the question above about insecurity.)

The point is, April and I are doing well. Like, “Whoa, this is kind of weird how well this is going.” But I am incapable of expressing it with any accuracy. I blame it on not writing anymore; this is what poets are for, isn’t it? To express emotion and the more difficult things in life in a succinct and meaningful manner? I offer that they are, but I’m losing my ability to do so. And the less I write, the less I understand myself and the world around me. The less I understand, the greater my insecurity.

The end of this semester cannot come quickly enough.

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