While I am not against Change or its many avatars, I admit that I have become a creature of habit. My life has been tumultuous for so long that I began to cling to what bedrocks I could, however minor they may be. Though everything else in my life would be in a state of flux, I still had my books. The words greeted me the same today as yesterday, and those worlds were known and safe because they were unchanging from the time ink was set to page. When my life is particularly fluid, I cling to the same cereal, the same side of the bed, the same route to work… I find what stability I can in the little things so as to face the bigger things with a stronger stance.
So when I go grocery shopping, I have a routine. I always go to the same Wal-Mart and I always buy the same things. I have a relationship developed over the years with these particular foods and brands, so imagine my distress when one is discontinued, or even if the packaging is changed. If an item is even just out of stock, I start to worry that I will never see it again. And, as was the case with April’s tortelloni, I begin to hoard.
What if I never see this food again? I’d better buy a lot of it, just to get as much out of it as I can while it’s still here…
Subsequently, when I went grocery shopping last week, I bought a fair amount more than I probably should have. The pasta sauce I prefer, Bertolli’s, had been moved to an end-shelf the previous time I had been at Wal-Mart. What if they were trying to get rid of it all as a precursor to dropping the brand? I bought five jars, just in case. I think I spent around $20 just on tortelloni.
Of course, one can never find true stability in man-made constructions, routines, or packages. I recognize the neurosis as ludicrous, but it strikes me as a relatively minor vice, akin to my love of coffee. It would be better to not indulge, but if I am going to indulge at all, at least let it be something minor like this with so little impact on my life or the lives of others.