I don’t feel completely comfortable about it. Taking almost a year off (I dropped my classes last October, partly out of frustration with how long college was taking and partly because my classes at the time were meaningless and one was led by a racist, sexist asshole) has been good for me, and the distance it has afforded makes me feel like this is all possible. I don’t feel confident, or happy to be back, but I might be able to handle it now.
Then again, I might not, and that worries me. I’m not used to lacking confidence or feeling incapable of dealing with something. At work, I fix things, whether they’re technical problems or people problems. I focus on solutions instead of problems, and I Get Things Done. I don’t feel like I’m able to bring that same mentality to classwork, maybe because so much of it is passive. Class isn’t me doing anything, it’s me sitting and absorbing information. And when there is work to do, it mostly feels like a way to justify awarding points for a grade, and nothing more.
Despite all that, I am hopeful about this semester. I’m taking Women in Religions, which I’ve wanted to take since my freshman year, and the professor is my advisor whom I like a great deal. Tonight I have Religion in the Global South, which is a subject I’ve wanted to study for a couple of years, so maybe that’ll be alright. It really depends on the professor, and I haven’t met the woman teaching tonight’s class.
On top of all this, my supervisor is retiring and I’ve applied for his position. Not sure if I’ve mentioned that here or not… I’ve been having trouble blogging, or writing at all, lately. He retires at the end of September and they hope to have his replacement hired before then so they can start promptly at the beginning of October. In regards to this, I do feel confident, but I’m not stressing about it one way or the other. If I get it, great–I think I can do a lot of good in that position and improve our unit at work. If I don’t, I expect my workload and stress to go down significantly.
Are any of you back at school this fall? It always seems like the summer “flies by,” but seriously, this summer was crazy. I needed another month to get everything done that I wanted done by the start of the fall. I managed to take all of two days off this summer and am still completely swamped with work.
Hopefully I can maintain a healthy balance this semester. Leave work at work, get my school stuff done the 1-2 evenings I have free each week and on the weekends, and not go completely crazy like I did last fall. No promises, though.