I’ve lost the blogging buzz. My promotion brought with it both an increase in activities as well as increased focus on finishing everything. I want to wrap up this year and seal it away in the archive so I can move on with my life.
April graduated on Friday (August 5th) with her Masters of Science on Counseling. I’m thrilled, but I also told her that my excitement for her was mostly foreshadowing for my own graduation in December, which is one step closer now that my summer class is over. I just double checked my transcript and ran a degree audit to confirm that this fall I’ll definitely finish. So far, everything is on course.
And once I’m done, I’ve got big plans. I have put together a shopping list of graduation presents for myself that include nice paper, fountain pens, a briefcase, a stack of books that have been recommended, and a lot of dreams. I want to read and then write to the authors and discuss their work. I want to write letters to friends. I’m going to get a post office box and become a pen pal to random people around the world. Next year will be a return to writing for me, but with a drastically different medium and goal than I’ve ever had.
I won’t be pursuing publication, or starting a business, or trying to win an idealistic cause (though I will certainly write letters that address my ideals and causes I believe in; I’m just not going to be a full-time activist). I want to connect with people and build relationships. I want to write to old teachers and thank them, and to new acquaintances and start discussions with them. I want to write, just for its own sake, with no ulterior motives.
Curse of the Introvert
Because of the nature of my new job, I’ve been pretty worn. I’m a hardcore introvert with a touch of agoraphobia and social phobia. I force myself into situations with people largely so the phobias don’t come to define my life, and I generally do pretty well, but it’s kind of exhausting. My work over the last month has required a lot of time around people, and that has been really unbalancing for me to the extent that I’ve had to skip church and some other social events just to get time alone.
Hence the lack of blogging. A blog is a massively extroverted enterprise that transmits your words to lots and lots of people and invites feedback. Twitter and Facebook have likewise become a source of stress for me. Google+ couldn’t have come at a better time because it lets me narrow my focus and only share with small groups. Writing letters to individuals hopefully won’t bother me, since it’s one-to-one rather than one-to-many.
I hope that blogging will pick back up next year as things calm down a bit. I’ll have class three nights a week this fall, and next year I want to do most of my writing offline in the form of journaling and writing letters, but I hope to get back to at least weekly blogging. As more of my friends leave Springfield and as I develop some of the plans I’m working on, a public forum will be needed and I’d rather it be here than anywhere else, but right now it’s hard to say. Right now, I don’t really want to do anything other than go home, close the doors to the office, and not come out for two or three weeks.
The thing I’m looking forward to most next year is debriefing. I think it’s going to take most of the year to reflect on my educational experience and close that chapter. That reflection is like a reward for me, though, much like the material items I’ve picked out as graduation gifts, and I am loathe to spoil the reward. Being able to plan to do these things for next year and putting them off makes the current stresses easier to handle. I know that they will end and that what follows will be great. Not only great, but something I’ve been waiting for for a long time.
I can’t wait for the next chapter to begin, but I’m not going to jump the gun and try and start now. The Unix method of “do one thing and do it well” is most appropriate for my life right now. I’m finishing a computer certification this summer, and then I’ll finish my last two classes this fall. Once I have my Bachelor of Arts (after 8.5 years of college, for a total of 21.5 years of formal education), I can move on to the next thing.
Moving on is worth waiting for, and I won’t be sad to see this end.