Investing in myself costs more than I’m currently willing to spend

I don’t think I’ll ever start wearing suits again, but I respect this piece and want to share it with you. It is powerful and good.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what I wear lately. I’ve been thinking a lot about my health and investing in myself. Maybe it’s worth it.

I know what you’re thinking. “Of course it’s worth it!” But that’s the effect of trauma at a young age. And I suspect many of you are wired the same way: we always think other people are worth it, but we’re not sure if we are, ourselves, worth much of anything.

But maybe I am. Maybe. April bought me a new shirt recently and I wore it on Saturday, one of the only shirts I’ve had in the last 6 years that wasn’t a free t-shirt from a work conference or something similar. I liked how it looked and how it made me feel. I now have 3 non-t-shirts that I like to wear. I have 1 pair of jeans that is in decent shape. That’s my wardrobe right now.

I have, of late, been reflecting on being valued, feeling valued, and the source of my value. As a “good Christian,” I know that this ought to come from God. But where I look to for feeling valued, it’s not God, and I’m not getting it, so I often feel down. Nice clothes won’t make me feel valued either. They won’t make other people respond to me, or talk to me, like I really want them to. And even if they did, my brain would probably find some other reason to doubt.

But there’s something about putting your body into a different position, a different posture, and the effect that has on your brain and heart. Maybe it’s worth trying. Maybe.

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