Investing in myself costs more than I’m currently willing to spend

I don’t think I’ll ever start wearing suits again, but I respect this piece and want to share it with you. It is powerful and good.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what I wear lately. I’ve been thinking a lot about my health and investing in myself. Maybe it’s worth it.

I know what you’re thinking. “Of course it’s worth it!” But that’s the effect of trauma at a young age. And I suspect many of you are wired the same way: we always think other people are worth it, but we’re not sure if we are, ourselves, worth much of anything.

But maybe I am. Maybe. April bought me a new shirt recently and I wore it on Saturday, one of the only shirts I’ve had in the last 6 years that wasn’t a free t-shirt from a work conference or something similar. I liked how it looked and how it made me feel. I now have 3 non-t-shirts that I like to wear. I have 1 pair of jeans that is in decent shape. That’s my wardrobe right now.

I have, of late, been reflecting on being valued, feeling valued, and the source of my value. As a “good Christian,” I know that this ought to come from God. But where I look to for feeling valued, it’s not God, and I’m not getting it, so I often feel down. Nice clothes won’t make me feel valued either. They won’t make other people respond to me, or talk to me, like I really want them to. And even if they did, my brain would probably find some other reason to doubt.

But there’s something about putting your body into a different position, a different posture, and the effect that has on your brain and heart. Maybe it’s worth trying. Maybe.

One thought on “Investing in myself costs more than I’m currently willing to spend

  1. Hi! Same here (24yo, male, brazil) but not only about clothes. I have been discarding electronics, clothes and many other things since I gave up high-school and joined college. I must admit I only feel comfortable on my skin using clothes I really fancy and they are usually expensive but I learned (I think) to not use any other thing. It is cargo tactical trousers, one rashguard and basic sport t-shirt. I have 6 possible combinations of clothing. It is like my guilty pleasure. I think I am building myself up to later descontruct. I am not sure if it is a case neurosis or side thinking to distract me but beside my plain life of unsuccessfull college performance, caring for my dads and trying to distract me somehow and finding means to try to distract myself, removing futility is a must. I want less but even this seems difficult. Sorry for bad structure. Just thoughts flowing.

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