I know he was just mimicking, but…

Simon said, “Love you,” this morning.

He was sitting on my lap in the nursery, just after getting up, and taking a break from drinking milk. He was looking up at me, watching my lips move and listening closely while I told him that I love him, and he repeated it back perfectly.

He doesn’t know what it means yet, but I couldn’t be more joyful. My son’s first sentence may be, “I love you,” and that is wonderful.

It’s January 2020 and Simon…

  • can walk up to 10 steps
  • loves music videos
    • particularly ones with dancing
    • mostly pop music and Disney
    • apparently also loves Steampowered Giraffe
  • tonight said “goodnight” for the first time!
  • can also say
    • bye
    • cat
    • kitty
    • no
    • dada
    • daddy
    • mama
    • nana (for banana)
  • loves to sit on our laps, or on our backs, or on our shoulders, or be snuggled and hugged, or all of these all at the same time somehow
  • can stack things, sort things, carry things, lift 5 lbs. (barely with one hand, most easily with two), and climb things (he can get onto sofas now)
  • is just the best

Where does my security come from?

A couple of months ago, one of the windows was broken on my in-law’s van while it was parked in our driveway overnight. We have a dusk-to-dawn light over the garage, but that didn’t deter the burglar. I have felt guilty and frustrated by this, and have been thinking about installing security cameras around the house.

Continue reading

Abolish the Electoral College

Sent to Senator Blunt, Senator Hawley, and Representative Long on 2019-09-02

The electoral college is a holdover from a time when the majority of citizens could not reach a polling place in a reasonable amount of time. It is no longer needed.

Further, articles like this one from the Washington Post highlight the mathematical problems with the electoral college that undermine our democracy: https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/the-electoral-college-is-in-trouble/2019/08/28/ba2b3a8c-c98f-11e9-be05-f76ac4ec618c_story.html

I would like to know your thoughts on the electoral college and what steps you are taking to ensure our elections are both secure and representative of the will of the people.

Thank you,

Matthew Stublefield

On Tue, Sep 3, 2019 at 3:11 PM Senator Roy Blunt <donotreply@blunt.senate.gov> wrote:

Dear Matthew:

Thank you for taking time to share your thoughts on the elimination of the Electoral College.  In America, the right to vote is one of the most significant freedoms we enjoy as members of a representative democracy. 

As you may know, the Founding Fathers established the Electoral College in the earliest days of our nation’s history as a compromise on the issue of presidential elections. The Electoral College, outlined in Article II of the Constitution, ensures states’ popular votes are taken into account when selecting our president. 

I appreciate your insight and advocacy on this issue.  Should legislation affecting the Electoral College come before the full Senate floor for consideration, I will be sure to keep your thoughts in mind.

Again, thank you for contacting me.  I look forward to continuing our conversation on Facebook (www.facebook.com/SenatorBlunt) and Twitter (www.twitter.com/RoyBlunt) about the important issues facing Missouri and the country.  I also encourage you to visit my website (blunt.senate.gov) to learn more about where I stand on the issues and sign-up for my e-newsletter.

Sincere regards,

Roy Blunt
United States Senator

On Tue, Sep 10, 2019 at 5:00 PM Representative Billy Long <MO07BLIMA@mail.house.gov> wrote:

Dear Mr. Stublefield,

Thank you for contacting me with your concerns regarding the Electoral College. I am glad to have the benefit of your views on this issue.

Each state has a number of electors equal to the number of seats in the Senate and the House of Representatives assigned to that state. These electors make up the Electoral College and cast votes to determine the President of the United States. Electors to the Electoral College are selected at the direction of each individual state legislature. Almost all states have opted to designate their electors by popular vote within the state, with the presidential candidate receiving the most votes receiving all of that state’s electoral votes. As a result, it is possible for a candidate to win the Electoral College while losing the popular vote; however this is a rare occurrence. Critics of the current system say it is undemocratic because it is possible to lose the popular vote and still win the Presidency.

While it is true that smaller states receive more electoral votes relative to their population than large states, this is not an accidental feature of the Electoral College system. The Electoral College system strengthens the federal structure of our government by ensuring that rural areas and small states are still important to our nation’s political process. Any change to the Electoral College risks disenfranchising many rural Americans in favor of heavily urban areas. I strongly believe the President of the United States should be accountable to all Americans and all parts of America, not just specific areas or groups. I do not believe that the Electoral College is in need of reform at this time. Hearing the views of all Missourians gives me the opportunity to better understand how important issues could impact the people of the Seventh District and the future interests of the nation.

For additional information regarding current legislation, my representation of the Seventh District, and to sign up to receive my monthly newsletter, I invite you to visit my website at http://long.house.gov

Sincerely,

Billy Long
Member of Congress

No reply from Senator Hawley yet

Being-wealthy things that I don’t yet take for granted

I need a suit. When I lost weight last year, I donated all of my jackets, slacks, etc., and never bought anything new because I so rarely need to wear those kind of clothes. But now I have two weddings in the next 6 months and I need something appropriate to wear.

Even though I could afford to spend more, I don’t want to spend much on a suit because I wear it so rarely and I also have no desire to wear a suit on a day-to-day basis anymore.

After a bit of research, I decided to go with the Bar III suit from Macy’s. Cheap and decent, and I could get it tailored so it fits me perfectly. A well-tailored cheap suit will always look better than an ill-fitting expensive suit.

I measured myself, and I used Macy’s TruFit tool to figure out what size I should wear. But when the pants got here, I discovered they were 2-3 inches too small!

Here’s the part where I feel crazy wealthy: I just ordered three more pairs of pants in different sizes so I can find the one that fits best.

I’ll return the ones that I don’t want for a full refund, so I’m still only out the cost of a single pair of pants (and because Macy’s has a ridiculous sale on, they’re only $40!). But just being able to order these now and get refunds later… that’s some financial privilege right there.

When I was a freshman in college, I spent some of my student loan money to buy a nice suit. I think it cost me $300, was made of gaberdine wool, and I wore it primarily for Model United Nations competitions. Weddings, funerals, work interviews, and eventually multiple times a week for work. I wore that suit for years until it fell apart.

Getting a new suit was out of reach for me financially for a long time. Now I could afford one, but don’t really need one… still, I’m grateful that I have the option of ordering online (because the Bar III isn’t actually carried in our local store for some reason), trying things on, and returning them.

And maybe someday I’ll go to my tailor and have him make me a custom suit. It’s actually not that expensive–$300, the same as I paid for that wool suit from Men’s Wearhouse back in 2003–but it takes months and I currently only have two pairs of jeans and I should probably get more of the things I wear everyday first. I only recently reached the milestone of having more than two pairs of socks that I like to wear. Jeans are next on my list.

(And I’m tired of my jeans dying after a year, so I’m thinking about saving up for raw denim.)

Subject: What actions are you taking to address the crisis of concentration camps on American soil to detain legal immigrants?

Email to Senator Roy Blunt, Senator Joshua Hawley, and Representative Billy Long on August 5, 2019

I do not believe that the way we have treated asylum seekers, legal immigrants, or people crossing our southern border is moral or representative of American values.

What’s more, I do not think it is in compliance with the spirit of our immigration laws, nor is it compliant with our actual asylum laws.

What actions are you taking to resolve this injustice? What is your plan and timeline to both address the root cause of the immigration challenges and to close the concentration camps and restore humanity and grace to how we work with immigrants?

Thank you for your time,

Matthew Stublefield
Springfield, Missouri

On Wed, Aug 7, 2019 at 8:22 AM Senator Roy Blunt <donotreply@blunt.senate.gov> wrote:

Dear Matthew:

Thank you for taking time to share your thoughts on the humanitarian crisis at the southern border.  

As a member of the Senate Appropriations Committee, I voted in favor of an emergency funding bill to strengthen security and address the humanitarian crisis at the border.  Thousands of unaccompanied children have come across the border and have been referred to the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS). The emergency funding bill signed into law by the President on July 1, 2019, provides $2.88 billion in funding for HHS to provide care and shelter for unaccompanied minors.

Again, thank you for contacting me.  I look forward to continuing our conversation on Facebook (www.facebook.com/SenatorBlunt) and Twitter (www.twitter.com/RoyBlunt) about the important issues facing Missouri and the country.  I also encourage you to visit my website (blunt.senate.gov) to learn more about where I stand on the issues and sign-up for my e-newsletter.

Sincere regards,

Roy Blunt
United States Senator

On Wed, Aug 21, 2019 at 11:27 AM Representative Billy Long <MO07BLIMA@mail.house.gov> wrote:

Dear Mr. Stublefield,

Thank you for contacting me regarding the crisis at our southern border. I am glad to have the benefit of your views on this issue.

As you may know, our country has a serious immigration problem. Lack of funding has caused conditions at detention facilities to deteriorate while our lax interpretation of immigration law is causing thousands of migrants to swarm our border. The simple fact of the matter is that federal law enforcement agencies like Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) and Customs and Border Protection (CBP) do not have the money or resources to stop migrants from crossing the border and to care for migrants who are caught crossing illegally.

This crisis is not “manufactured” as many of my Democratic colleagues have been telling you for years. This is a real crisis that needs real policy solutions. I support bolstering protection of our southern border through the construction of a barrier and an extensive increase in federal law enforcement personnel. I also believe that we need properly fund ICE, CBP, and other related agencies so that they have the resources and manpower to care for and process the overwhelming number of illegal immigrant detainees. Finally, I support making the many incentives that these migrants have to come here, such as sanctuary cities, illegal. Unlawful non-citizens are a burden on the taxpayers and should not be entitled to the benefits of law-abiding American citizens.

My colleagues and I are working hard to make securing our borders and ending the illegal immigration crisis a reality. To solve this crisis, we will need real bipartisan policy solutions that will secure our border and stymie illegal border crossings. Unfortunately, no such solution has been proposed at this time.Hearing the views of all Missourians gives me the opportunity to better understand how important issues could impact the people of the Seventh District and the future interests of the nation.

For additional information regarding current legislation, my representation of the Seventh District, and to sign up to receive my monthly newsletter, I invite you to visit my website at http://long.house.gov

Sincerely,

Billy Long
Member of Congress

On Fri, Sep 6, 2019 at 4:25 PM Office of U.S. Senator Josh Hawley <SenatorHawley@hawley.senate.gov> wrote:

Dear Mr. Stublefield,

Thank you for contacting me regarding the immigration detention centers at our southern border. I appreciate the time and effort you took to share your perspective with me on this important issue. Your input helps me stay informed on the issues most important to Missourians.

As you may know, President Trump recently requested an allocation of $4.5 billion from Congress in order to respond to the humanitarian and security crisis at the southern border. The $4.5 billion allotment would be used to address the most critical problems created by the border crisis, including the ability to provide higher standards of child care. $3.3 billion would be allocated for humanitarian assistance, which would include funds to increase shelter capacity, to feed and care for migrants and children in custody, and for transportation. $1.1 billion would go to border operations, which includes operations combatting human smuggling and trafficking. I have supported this critical funding request as it equips us with the tools we need to effectively deal with the immediate needs at our border. But simply increasing funding is not enough.

I recently visited the border at McAllen, Texas to see firsthand the crisis we are facing. In doing so, the need for us to act promptly to reform our immigration system became even more clear. The state of Missouri does not share a border with Mexico, but in this present crisis we are a border state. We are a border state because of the drugs that are pouring across the border and flooding into the towns and streets and homes of the people of Missouri. We are a border state because of the families whose lives are destroyed by drugs and crime. We are a border state because of the human smuggling that is becoming an epidemic across the border. If you want to learn more about my experiences at the border, click here. After that experience, I know that we must act to ensure not only the safety of our American families and communities, but the safety of immigrant families at our border as well. As your U.S. Senator, I will continue to monitor this situation closely with your perspectives in mind.

As always, I truly appreciate hearing your concerns. Please do not hesitate to contact me in the future on other issues important to you and your community. It is a privilege to be your voice in Congress. If you would like to get regular updates on my work in the Senate, please visit my website at http://www.hawley.senate.gov or follow me on social media at @SenHawleyPress.

Sincerely,

Josh Hawley
United States Senator

Overcome Complexity with Optimism

My job is increasingly complex. I’m leading a team of 8 people and we have a bunch of different plates spinning all the time. There are regular and frequent shifts in priority, and this means we sometimes have less capacity than we would like to get everything done that we want to do.

On Friday, a project was approved which means we can move towards a goal that I’ve had for almost two and a half years. But some other situations mean that we’ll have to sacrifice some other goals. Not completely–we’ll still be doing the work we have been–but we’ll need to go a bit slower so we can balance everything.

While thinking through how I can make this all work practically (what do we do less of? how do we deliver what we need to deliver, and what’s the highest priority work?), I found comfort in the awesomeness of my team. They’re so great that I know we can make this work.

Complexity is stressful, but as I focused on the optimistic thoughts of, “We can do this!” I found that I was a lot less stressed. And very quickly, what had at first seemed to be a complex challenge soon seemed more simple and achievable.

Per my last blog post, I also gave it all to God and asked what part of this complexity is truly mine to manage and what can I lay down. I don’t have a really clear answer on that, but I think recognizing my team’s strength, helping them to also see how great they are, and building their confidence in us working together to do what we need to do… that’s my priority.

Great Power. Greater Responsibility.

Part 1 — Spider-Man

My favorite thing about Spider-Man is that he never gives up. Spider-Man gets knocked down and outright fails more than any other superhero I read, but he continually gets back up and does his best.

Over the last year or so, his go-to line of inspiration has been changing, and it’s really resonating with me. You all probably know the story: when he was a boy, his uncle Ben told him, “With great power comes great responsibility.”

But these days, Spider-Man is regularly taking on challenges that far exceed his power. In the first 2019 comic of the new Spider-Man, Miles’s mom is reading a newspaper article about the concentration camps at our southern border in the USA. Sure, Spider-Man has a lot of power, but what can he do about that?

As the challenges continue to exceed Spider-Man’s power, his inspiration hasn’t weakened. Instead, he acknowledges that his responsibility is greater than his power.

Part 2 — A Sense of Responsibility Rooted in Emotional Trauma

I have been seeing a counselor for a few months to work through something completely (or mostly) unrelated to responsibility. But in our last session, we broached the subject and it touched a nerve, which told me that I needed to work through some things.

That comic with Miles’s mom was stuck in my head during that session, and I was sat there thinking, “I’m not Spider-Man. I don’t have any power. What can I possibly do? Why do I feel responsible for all of this?!”

And the “all of this” in that sentence is a lot. When I was a kid, I tried to defend other kids being bullied (and as a result, I got beat up a lot). I helped people out of jams. I have gotten people jobs, gotten people money, gotten people food. I want people to feel healthy, secure, taken care of… and I feel a sense of responsibility for all of this. Like I have to do it, and if I don’t, I’m failing. What’s more, if it doesn’t work out (if the person doesn’t get the job, or if they’re struggling in some way, or if people aren’t getting healthcare, or kids are in concentration camps, or our representatives are failing to present solutions to gun violence…), then it’s because I’m not doing enough. For every bad thing where I can perceive something that I might be able to do to help, I feel like a failure if I don’t do everything.

Being around people reminds me constantly of things I could be doing to help them or the world at large. And it reminds me that I’m constantly failing.

Part 3 — I Do Not Own My Responsibilities, God Does

That’s what we were actually talking about in counseling: spending time around people. The phrase, “Being around people causes me pain” is true for me. It drains me. I have to recover from being around other people.

And part of the reason for this is the weight of responsibility I feel. I don’t just feel responsible for the moment—it’s not just about making them like me, or making sure I don’t say the wrong things, or making sure they’re having a good time. Those three things seem to weigh on a lot of people, but they’re not that big a deal to me.

In both work and my personal life, I’m typically focused on somewhere 2-5 years from now. The responsibility I’m often feeling is, “This person is really struggling with personal finances. How can I help them without being overbearing in a way that will get them into a better position 5-10 years from now?” Or, “This person is struggling with anxiety. I need to make sure I’m thinking through that from their perspective. What can I say and do to help them on their journey to better mental health? What should I avoid saying and doing?”

When I write it out, it reads as so minor to me, but it’s something that causes me some pain regardless. And I think feeling responsible for the next several years of someone’s life for everyone I come into contact with is the issue. Jesus, how arrogant is that? It’s one of those things that, until you say or write it out, you don’t quite realize what’s going on inside.

At any rate, I prayed about it the following Sunday and God effectively said, “You’re not responsible for these things. I am. And when I ask you to engage with that responsibility, I will give you sufficient power. I don’t ask you to engage with any responsibility without giving you what you need.”

I don’t even “take on” the responsibility. It’s not mine. I’m just doing some work with Him.

I’m ashamed that I said, “I have no power.” I do. I have a lot of power insofar as I’m white and male and privileged, I’m middle-class-wealthy, I own property, and I’m Christian (in an area where that helps get you “in” sometimes). But more importantly, God is with me, and He will not give me anything to do that I can’t handle.

Part 4 — Using The Power I Have

Another thing this forced me to confront is that, yes, an out-sized sense of responsibility causes emotional pain, but wouldn’t the world be a better place if we all felt like Spider-Man? Can I really say that, just because I’m not a superhero who can literally go to Texas and tear down the buildings and fences and provide food and water and medicine to people, then I should do nothing?

God gives me the power I need to engage with the responsibilities to which He invites me. What I’ve been failing to do is pray about those things for which I feel responsible so that He can advise me on what I should be doing. What actions can I take that will be effective without causing self-harm? I think that’s what He wants for me, but I haven’t been seeking Him on it.

It’s not bad to want to help people. But letting that desire lead us into a place of emotional and mental pain isn’t what God wants for us. When our positive desires lead us into a negative state, that’s a twisting of God’s plan, and we have to be wary of it.

I don’t know yet if this realization coupled with praying more frequently will reduce the pain I experience just by being around people. It’s particularly tricky when it comes to work events because that’s where I feel it most acutely (since my job is literally developing strategy for the next several years and putting things into place to make sure we achieve our goals), and I have a work week in London coming up very soon.

But I’ll do the best I can. That’s my responsibility.