On Tuesday of last week, I was exchanging some emails with a person who has done some awesome things in her career, and I asked her if there were any subjects or books she recommended I study. She wrote back that The Trusted Advisor had recently been recommended to her, and while she hadn’t gotten far into it yet, it might be worth taking a look. The book took only a few seconds to download on Kindle and only a few hours to read, and I think it was worth the time invested.
The three men who collaborated on this book write that the lessons they’re sharing were hard won through years of making mistakes and doing things the wrong way. They’re all very successful in their careers as speakers, advisors, and consultants, but they got that way by attending the school of hard knocks, and their book The Trusted Advisor is full of both great recommendations to help the reader avoid making those mistakes and also stories of how they offended or alienated people and lost business because of it. The combination of good advice with examples of what happens when you say the wrong thing is very effective.
I hung out with a friend at the Mudlounge tonight who I haven’t seen since high school. Later, I considered how wonderful the conversation was and how good it was to talk with her, and then realized that as good a time as it was, that conversation could never happen again. This catching-up, this was the only shot we had at it. Next time we talk, we’ll have done all the catching up, and have to come up with new topics. It won’t be the same.
But I’m happy. I’m so damned happy, because my life is fantastic. God has blessed us greatly, we have a beautiful home, I’m crazy in love with my wife…
Tomorrow, we’re having Emily Manck over for lunch, so I had to go to Wal-Mart after leaving the Mudlounge to get a few things. After coming home and putting them away, I still wasn’t tired, so I went for a walk in the park. It’s pretty, and awesome, and empty because it’s so late at night. The tennis courts are nice, and I’m going to propose to April that we have super-late-night tennis matches very soon (before it gets too cold).
I sat on a wall and talked to God. I’ve been thinking a lot about Christian Mysticism for the last… well, somewhat since I became Christian, but really for the last six months or so. I think I’m drawing closer to some sort of realization about our place in the world, or at least mine. About my body and its place in the world. About the nature of worship and interaction with the Holy Spirit. Dave Gill, we need to have a long conversation sometime about worship (it feels like I’ve said that phrase at least 3-4 times so far in the last two years).
Note: I’ve closed the massive photo gallery once hosted at SilverPen of well over 3,000 images we had taken and uploaded. We’ll continue to maintain a smaller set of public photos on Flickr, but will reserve the local photo gallery for our backups and friends/family who want to see more images.
I finally remembered to upload these (since we got Internet access last Wednesday night). Our housewarming party was a huge success; we had a great turnout, and I think everyone enjoyed themselves. Grilling was fun, and the food turned out well, though I certainly had a few lessons to learn about the process! I think I used about 3 times the amount of charcoal I needed.
We had about 20-21 people show up over the course of the 6+ hour party. All we supplied were hamburgers, buns, some condiments, and some drinks, and we asked people to bring whatever else they wanted. We ended up grilling some bison burgers, tofu burgers, Brian sautéed some mushrooms, and had an assortment of other things to eat and drink. In addition, since my birthday was the following week, April got me an ice cream cake ^.^
To celebrate, I bought some cigars, which we smoked on the front porch. Thanks to the wonder of foresight, I also bought some pipe tobacco; we didn’t have enough cigars for everybody (only 8-10 people had RSVPed, lol), but those who wanted to indulge were able. Brian won the contest for the longest ash, and Wacey got to enjoy the wonder that is Landshark (pipe tobacco available at Just For Him here in Springfield).
We ended the night with a 14-person game of Apples to Apples, which is always great at parties because you can have a virtually unlimited number of people playing. We didn’t start the game until around 11 p.m., and most of the group left after the first game. We only had 6 people for the second game, and finished around 12:30 a.m., at which point we were all pretty wiped out.
Thank you to everyone who came, and if you couldn’t make it, don’t worry, we’ll have another party of epic proportions just as soon as we can! Due to our schedule this semester, I think our next opportunity for a giant party of awesomeness +11 will probably be in December, probably just before the end of the semester. Mark it on your calendars and, until then, feel free to marvel at the photos (link below to the gallery). Thanks for making it a wonderful party and warming our home with your presence.
As a newly married, self-analyzing, overly-introspective couple, April and I often find ourselves examining our relationship and comparing it both to other couples we know and to the general stereotypes of similar (monogamous) relationships. Our feeling is that our relationship is fairly atypical, and what works for us doesn’t necessarily work for other people. How we comported ourselves prior to marriage probably wouldn’t work for most couples, and our marriage has thus far been remarkably blessed. We still have issues, but I ask that you take what I’m about to write with a grain of salt. I’m presenting this as how I think things should be, but I don’t pretend to speak for all guys or all couples. You know your friends better than I do, so your best bet is to simply ask them.
However, I was asked, and this is my response. My friendships with members of the opposite sex have changed drastically since April and I first started dating almost three years ago, though I didn’t even realize this until after we were engaged. Prior to formalizing our relationship, the vast majority of my friends were female. I spent probably 90% of my social time with females, and felt somewhat alienated from my own sex due a lack of common interests. Every college ministry male-bonding social event revolved around sports in some fashion: watching a basketball game, playing touch football, playing basketball, going hiking, going “floating,” going rock climbing, etc. I like to read, drink coffee, converse, and write, and I’m not terribly athletic, nor do I desire to be. Women made better conversation partners, so it was with women that I spent most of my social time.
However, I met a girl at FnC soon after April and I were engaged and, after a few conversations with her in that context, I realized that I was treating her differently than I would have prior to dating April. I hadn’t suggested we get together and hang out, and I’d remained more emotionally distant than I would have done previously. I was guarding myself somewhat because I was already committed to a person.
This only had to do with a new relationship, though. As I analyzed my behaviour and motivations, I realized that the changes I was making regarding the opposite sex only applied to meeting new people. There is the potential that these changes had less to do with being in a relationship and were motivated more by the fact that I simply had less time to invest in friendships that might not last. With both males and females, I am more jealous of my time now due to my tight schedule.
Old friendships did not change for me, and this has a great deal to do with mine and April’s relationship. We trust each other completely and there are no jealousy issues. I can spend time with my friends without her worrying about my fidelity or loyalty, and vice versa. Some women worry that their guy is looking for something in those friendships, but April knows that she’s my priority.
Michelle asked what the mysterious line is between a married man and a single woman, and I think that depends on the individuals in question. But for me and my old friends, I don’t see a line. Our relationship is exactly the same as it was when I was single.
That’s pretty much the answer to Michelle’s question in a single, tiny paragraph at the end of a long, introductory ramble. Now that the floodgate’s open, though, I want to write more on this topic, but I’ll break it out over a few days so as to not overwhelm my readers. Next I hope to evaluate more why my relationships with older friends remain unchanged, followed by how a married man should behave regarding making new friends of the opposite gender.
Also, just as a sidenote for those of you who managed to read this far, April and I are planning on writing a book on marriage. As that begins development, a new blog will begin and there will be a tab for it along the top, just like there is now for stories and poetry. Since I’m starting to write these things, that might show up in a week or two.
Cross-posted from FnC College Ministries
My senior year of high school, particularly the latter half of it, was filled with meetings and obligations, ceremonies and hand-shaking. There’s a lot going on for most seniors, but between Speech & Debate, National Honours Society, running computer technical support at our school, having to both set up for and then attend these events, Baccalaureate, a slew of other things… I was busy, a new Christian to boot, and working hard to retain my priorities. I’d always put people first (and grades nearing last), so it was no surprise that I was late for a senior banquet honouring Speech & Debate students because I was talking on the phone with an old friend. When I did arrive (just a minute or so before the formal beginning), Danny Haase, the preeminent senior on the squad, asked where I’d been. “Talking to a girl,” I replied, and he paused for a moment. “Yes, that about sums up your Speech career,” he said.
It didn’t really hit me until a conversation with Ryan a few months ago that I was, apparently, something of a lady’s man. We were talking about life experience, both in travel and dating, and as I talked about my various relationships, I realized that I’d had quite a few. All these names and faces, all these memories, all the drama coupled with a lot of good times. Few of these relationships were serious, but there were a lot of them, and I was startled by the fact. I had always viewed myself as a lonely nerd, both misunderstood and misunderstanding.
Despite my confused perceptions about myself, some very valuable lessons came out of my high school relational experiences. In a conversation with a good friend of mine several years ago, we were discussing what we found attractive in women. I’d had dozens of relationships and he’d been dating a girl for a year or two who was smart and very attractive, though somewhat clingy. When we both looked around a room, we might notice who the most attractive women were, but we didn’t care a whole lot. We’d note them, but we wouldn’t stare. “She’s just another pretty face,” he’d say. “Just like all the others.”
Of course, the implication (which you might not derive from these words, but I assure you was the case) was that, until you got to know someone, their physical beauty was relatively insignificant. We’d both dated, known, or had some level of relationship with a bevy of beautiful women, and it didn’t impress us anymore. Who cares about physical beauty if you can’t have a good conversation?
This morning when I signed onto Facebook, I saw some new photos of a Christian girl I know who is also a model. I’ve known some very awesome models before, but I have trouble respecting this girl after seeing the type of life she leads: jetting around the world, wearing very little clothing, dozens of guys hanging off her and, essentially, throwing herself at the highest bidder. In the same way that I have trouble understanding how a Christian can be a politician, I have trouble understanding Christian models. Even so, I know it’s possible… but when you embrace the lifestyle so completely (for a politician, by lying, cheating, and double-dealing; for a model, by wantonly throwing money around, giving in completely to vanity, and essentially selling your body to be idolized), I lose all respect for that person.
It makes me sad, but she’s become just another pretty face.
I decided tonight to see how many of the people I graduated with (Hillcrest High, class of 2003) have MySpace pages. Specifically, I was looking for my old friend [Matt] Wilson from whom I haven’t heard in years. I tried to catch him on instant messenger once and I mailed him a wedding invitation, but since he attended a Christmas party I held in 2004, I haven’t seen/heard from him.
What surprised me is that there are not only eleven pages of people I graduated with, but that I have no idea who most of them are.
I neither recognize nor really know who 90% of those people were. Is it that my old friends are of a different, non-MySpacey demographic? Conversely, perhaps my memory is just that bad and/or I’m a jerk who doesn’t remember people.
I’ve never done anything with MySpace beyond making a profile and typing a brief paragraph about me (ending with a link to this site), nor do I intend to now. MySpace is one of the worst designed websites I’ve ever seen, and I can’t stand working with it. But the ability to connect with old friends (particularly if it can get me back in touch with Wilson) is really valuable.
In other news, I’ve spent some time this week writing emails to people and keeping up with my correspondence. I’m going to start developing an online presence more like I had a few years ago, if for no other reason than to read more (and more diverse) work than I have been recently. I’ve already been subscribing to some poetry LiveJournals, which has been really good, and I look forward to connecting with a network of writers in the near (3-6 months) future. I need to get back out there and both talking to writers and writing.